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Free - Printable - Funniest Quotes

Find the quote that's just right for any situation or need!
Click the links below to browse free quotes you can print and keep with you, or give with a gift (or as a gift) to a friend, loved one, or colleague!
You can always have the funniest quotes in your pocket!

I was nauseous and tingly all over-
I was either in love or I had smallpox.
~Woody Allen

You can't blame gravity for falling in love.
~Albert Einstein

I'm living so far beyond my income
that we may almost be said to be living apart.
~e.e. Cummings

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
~Fran Lebowitz

Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
~Robert Heinlein

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing.
If you can fake that, you've got it made.
~Groucho Marx

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
~Mark Twain

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
~Albert Einstein

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
~George Burns


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